Deuce Deuce

"Oh, so now you decide to write a blog." Sure, I get it. I hear your murmuring. But it's not necessarily about you, mkay? This is written for one person and one person only... my baby girl. This will also double as my attempt at avoiding any sibling bickering in the teenage years, because you know what? I will freakin' turn this van around so FAST! That's it... somebody just lost ice cream privileges. Daddy's going to eat it now. I DON'T CARE, I'M EATING IT!

Nah, really I decided to squeeze in a little blog prior to my baby girl's arrival, just to let her know the price her momma has paid for her as well as the happenings during her gestational years. And first things first, baby E, I'm sorry I haven't been able to write more about your life as a fetus... it's really your brother's fault. That, and work. Oh, and your mother made me paint some things... then there was this baseball game on and I started reading a book about evolution and how crazy that is... your Aunt Jessi got pregnant and there was a shower that we wanted to go to... then your Uncle JJ left to go see Sydney (the city)... the Texas Rangers got in the pennant race...


This pregnancy, without a doubt, has been a little rougher on your momma. She's puked more in the beginning, felt much worse in the beginning, her body aches more now than at this time with your brother. She's had less crazy dreams, but that's probably because she's gotten much less sleep than with Max. But, the one positive for Nicole is that she has also craved more Jalapeno Poppers from Sonic than she did with Max this time around. So that is good. I know your momma is really excited to add to the female population in the family. But E, you're going to have to remember: Just because the boy to girl ratio in the family is a dead heat, tie goes to the daddy. Always. Accept it now and it won't bother you later.

Anyway, before we start, let me first describe to you how your mother got pregnant in the first place. Haha. No, I'm kidding. Let me first tell you just how pumped I am to have a baby girl. I couldn't be more happy, and surprisingly, I couldn't be more scared at the same time. What am I going to do with a girl? This was my first thought as the announcement was typed across the sonogram screen to us... "Oh it's a girl? Really? How's that going to work?". Since then, it really has sank in. I'm really excited. Still scared, mind you, but really excited. I hear you are going to prefer me, which will be a nice, but not surprising, because I'm awesome, so you should. But, when I think about having a daughter, I know that how I treat you, act in front of you and how I treat your mother when you're around will weigh heavy on things like self-esteem when you're older, and your preferred behavior in the man you marry someday (if you want that), and millions of other things, and it freakin' FREAKS ME OUT! Feels like I need to tighten up the reigns on myself a little. Need to give myself a make-over, which I have been doing. I've been minding my P's and Q's. I'm ready.... worried... but ready. And I'm really looking forward to it. Brace yourself E... this is your daddy.


So, Emerson, in honor of your rapidly approaching arrival, here's a list of "Get to know you's" that you should know about your daddy.

Things you should know about me and accept:

1. The following things that make me mad (occurring individually or simultaneously): a.) Being real tired. b.) The Aggies losing. c.) Death d.) Self-inflicted injuries while doing something stupid while someone is watching(especially when the stupidity only becomes clear after said injury) e.) people being inconsiderate of other people or other people's property f.) people with unfounded senses of entitlement


2. The following things make me happy (occurring individually or simultaneously): a.) free food b.) The Aggies winning c.) Texas Tech losing d.) Donuts e.) Extreme weather events (minus the death, obviously, see note 1c above) f.) Crazy animal videos e.) Babies laughing


3. I prefer to watch sporting events live, but hate paying for parking.


4. I've dunked a basketball, more than once, and it is cool the first couple of times, but loses its luster pretty quickly... nah, i'm kidding. It is pretty cool.


5. Knows how all romantic comedies end.


6. My biggest fear: Alzheimer's.


7. My next biggest fear: Burning alive.


8. #1 thing I want to do before I die: Be inside a shark tank with a big shark outside the tank.


9. I will embarrass you and am kind of looking forward to it.


10. I will try give you the best I have and and will love you forever.

C'mon home baby girl. I've got some Aggie football games I want you to watch.

No Hands Required

Well, I've taken the liberty, now that I've had a 1 day break from work and it's spurs, to invest some time in the blog world and related family updates. I don't know where to begin with Max. Since I fell off the wagon a few months ago, he's pretty much turned into a different child. But I'll try:

The first thing you need to know about Max is that I think he must be developing the athletic prowess that comes from ceither the Bishop/Drake genes, or from my father's genes. His calf muscles are really crazy. Kind of a weird source of pride for me, but they are surprisingly muscular. His daddy did eventually develop some calf muscles, but not until well after puberty. This kid has got them now and it really makes smile. Is it weird to point them out to other people? "Hey, Max... come here and show them your calf muscles!". haha... sorry bud... but you are headed down through the turbulent road toward embarrassment. But for real... if he would slow down for half a second, I would snap a picture, but he's too fast!

Another thing you need to know about pork chop is that his eyes are ridiculously good. He can spot airplanes high in the sky that take Nicole and I a few seconds to locate. And by the time we find them, and say, "Oh yeah, that is a plane", he's already done his airplane sound and is on to better things. He does graciously repeat after us when we say "Good eyes"... he says, "EYESSSS!". He's also quite keen at spotting buses, fire trucks, DART trains and alarms in houses and businesses. He is really enamored with alarms for some reason. He sees them, says "ARM" and then proceeds to make the alarm noises. Perfect example of bad parenting... tonight, I was showing Max that the glass break detector can pick up clapping noises. Then, obviously got carried away clapping (like any normal person would), and wouldn't you know that I set the whole house alarm off. The blaring siren caught me way off guard, because who knew my clapping could actually do that. So naturally, I'm stunned and freaked out, and so the first thing I thought of was to "MAKE IT STOP". So I ran into the kitchen to turn it off before I realized that I left Max right where he was. So, the alarm is off before I realize this, and start coming back for my boy, now realizing that in his eyes, it looked like I was getting the hell out of there and leaving him... what an idiot I am!!! Sorry bud. Dad pretty much goes off of instincts, and his instincts are not so hot sometimes. Naturally, Max came to me running and scared... then after a minute or 2, he wanted to clap at the alarm more. He's an animal.

Oh man... look at this post already. Let me drop a few of the likes and dislikes on you before I set the scene for the newest movie/video installment.

Likes

1. Alarms
2. Fire trucks
3. His drum (good call Nicole)
4. Blackberries, Blueberries
5. Fish (as in gold fish crackers)
6. Hippos
7. His new car bed
8. Tickling other people
9. Climbing on rock climbing walls
10. Kicking
11. Dogs

Dislikes

1. Bed time (his long time nemesis)
2. Pasta
3. Dada appearing to run away when s*** hits the fan
4. Other undisciplined kids messing with his most favorite possessions
5. Mom or dad brushing his teeth against his will
6. Mom or dad doing anything against his will, really

So here's the video set up. Max likes to kick things now. He's really getting good at kicking soccer balls and other miscellaneous items. Miscellaneous items include cars, walls and doors. Max has always been good at shutting doors around the house, but shutting it with his hands is apparently getting old, as you will see in the video. Enjoy everybody. Love you.

Pocket full of Sunshine

Wow, has it really been over a month since my last post? I'm not going to lie... I knew what was happening and I didn't do much to stop it. I was being a little indulgent... just enjoying life. My hours at work have fallen way back, so spending some extra time with Max and Nicole has really been nice. I have a very entertaining family, so I have really enjoyed it. For instance, Max is learning his numbers. The biggest number he knows right now is 9. So discussions with him go like this lately:

Nicole: "Max, how many crackers would you like for your snack?"
Max: "Nine".

While I was away, I've taken the liberty to take a few sweet videos of the Pork Chop. Here's one for all to see... Max has really taken to the challenges that can come with walking. He likes to test the limits on steps, hills, bags of mulch, you name it, he'll try to walk over it. Given that the inside of our house isn't much excitement for such an accomplished walker, Max tries to spice it up a little. This installment has him walking around with his hand in his pocket, you know... for the challenge. Enjoy!


Here's a quick likes/dislikes list, to bring you up to speed:


LIKES:

1. Buses. (Even says "Sit DOWN BUS!" when he sees one.)
2. Airplanes in the sky.
3. Dogs.
4. Firetrucks.
5. Naked running in circles through the house.
6. Bubbles. ("BUBBLES!!!")
7. Spending alone time in the laundry room.
8. Chasing pigeons that stay just out of reach.
9. JUICE! JOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!
10. Strawberries, Blackberries, Blueberries and Green Grapes.

DISLIKES:

1. Bedtime
2. Being hungry
3. Changing clothes and diapers in the morning.
4. Changing clothes and diapers at bedtime.
5. Momma not rocking him at night.
6. Rules restricting his ability to stand on flimsy chairs.
7. Rules in general.
8. Falling.

Pushing it

So... let me paraphrase what was written about Maddox on his Daily Report at daycare yesterday:

"Max was very agressive today. He pushed his friends and tried to bite them."

Uh-oh! Sounds like his teachers don't agree with his method of "affection". Hello daycare teacher... Pain = Love.

But for real... this was what was on his paper. I talked to the teacher about it. She said that he opens his mouth and puts it on his friends, but just doesn't bite down. To me, after conferring with Nicole and Nana, this is his way of kissing. For some reason, Pork Chop likes to kiss open mouth. I won't go into sordid detail on who he may or may not have learned this from (Granny You and Grandpa Bish... you are mentioned here for no specific reason), but it is his way of kissing. So, not too worried about this one. Chances of him open mouth kissing you while you are trying to rock him to sleep are in the 95% range. It's a good night when you don't step out of the room and quietly wipe the slobber off your face. But it is endearing and we all love it.

But, the real trouble comes from accusations of him pushing a specific girl named Madeline or from laying on top of all of his friends, not letting them up. Per conversation with teacher, he lays on them until they start crying to get up. I know I would feel differently if the roles were reversed, and he layed on me and wouldn't let me up, but this is really really funny. C'mon... who does that? What a sight that must be... friend falls across the room, Maddox expertly notices and the race is on.... sweet Maddox shuffling as fast as he can go... fallen comrade, sees Maddox in route, struggling to get up before the flop that will pin him for an indefinite amount of time, then ofcourse, the flop... probably a giggle from our sweet boy... then silence, as Max has makes his body limp, in efforts to maximize his weight distribution... AWESOME! I wished I could see it... but the image I have in my head right now is pretty priceless.

And the pushing down of the girl we will call "Madeline"... apparently there is another kid in the class who actually is a bully. He pushes Madeline down all the time. The teachers said they think Max thinks its a game to push her down, because he sees the bully do it. So I will accept this expanation for now. I haven't seen Madeline, but for Maddox to think its fun, she must really put on a show. I wonder if she makes a funny noise when she hits the ground or something. Who knows... maybe she sweaks. Or maybe candy falls out of her hair or something.

That's all for now... just wanted to fill everybody in.

Benefiber Jokes

Oh the greatness that is having a son! Here's a little insight into how great my life is. A few nights ago, Max was having a snack before bed time. So Nicole, me and Maddox are in the living room watching some TV while Maddox is snacking. One of the commercials that comes on is a commercial for Benefiber. If you haven't seen it and feel like you need to, here's a link: Benefiber Commercial. For those not wanting to waste the time, here's a quick run down. There is a girl in a tennis outfit promoting Benefiber while she moves her body around. It's nothing awkward, just kind of funny considering what they are selling... which is fiber so you can go to the bathroom regularly. So here's the conversation as it took place:

Me: "Nicole, you know why that girl is moving around so much?"
Nicole: "Why?"
Me: "Because she has to POOP!"
Nicole: (silence, hoping the moment will pass.)
Maddox: "HA!"

Oh having a son is greatness already! Sorry babe. You'll warm up to the poop jokes in due time. Just don't force it. (insert hemorrhoid joke here).

Life on the Edge

Well, again sorry for the delay between posts. Dada is still working on the bathroom remodel. This bathroom remodel MUST be worse than child birth. I've been in labor with this thing for 3 months now!!

Max has been super awesome lately. Everything I thought a baby boy would be. Let's see, first things first, he came home from daycare last week wearing his "change of clothes" that are a requirement in case something unmentionable happens at daycare. This unmentionable; however, involves mass quantities of finger paint/body paint. Apparently they were finger painting at daycare last week and something went horribly wrong, leaving Maddox coated with paint - head to toe. See exhibits A and B below. He had paint in his hair (remnants still on the back of his head, even after a washing by his daycare teachers). He had paint all over his shirt... mostly on the back and arms. How he got paint on his back I will never know. It was almost like he was making snow angels with finger paint. And of course, all over his shoes. This is one of those moments that is really too funny to be mad at anybody. Although, lets be honest... the "washable" finger paint is only about 90% washable. And in mass quantities, it really reduces down to be about 75% washable. Don't believe the hype.

From First of the Year Pics

From First of the Year Pics

Another reason I'm super glad to have a son lately is because he is on the verge of really being able to enjoy live sporting events. As Nicole mentioned in her blog, we all went to the Dallas Stars game and it was awesome. I was so proud to be there with Nicole and my boy! Sure, we were 1 row from the very top, but that doesn't matter. Plus, the higher up you are, the more stuff you can see... and point at. Max was a champ. He sat in his chair the entire 2nd period... just eating popcorn and soaking it all in. Intermission was complete with several Zambonis that we got to see and point at. And the entire 3rd period was viewed while standing in his seat. If you asked him if he would like to sit in your lap so he could see better, you received his patented head shake. He was just happy to be out I think. It was a great first hockey game.

From First of the Year Pics

From First of the Year Pics

From First of the Year Pics

Reason #3 I'm happy to have a son lately... look at what he wanted to do with his chair. Exhibit C below shows his preferred location to sit. New flimsy, lightweight red chair... oh lets put that on the kangaroo climber and hang out up there for a little while. Why not? Let's go ahead and push the limits of "safety" as far as we can. What's the worst that can happen, right? Oh, and yes, this attitude lately has got us a bloody nose last week (the first ever) and 2 bloody lips this week. On Sunday, on the way to church, his body was moving a little too fast for his feet and his face paid the price. Bloody lip number 1. Then at daycare today, more of the same. Bloody lip and all. He's an animal though. He usually only accepts loving for about a minute before throwing his body at the ground for you to put him down. That's my boy!

From First of the Year Pics

His the latest on his likes/dislikes list:

Likes

1. Going Outside.
2. Juice.
3. Living life dangerously.
4. Mama putting him down.
5. Wheels on the Bus (the song).
6. Bathtime.
7. The speed and uncontrolled feeling you get right before you face plant.
8. Stairs.
9. Chairs.
10. Blackberries.
11. His red shoes.
12. Flushing toilets.

Dislikes

1. Actually face planting.
2. Diaper changes.
3. Being hungry.
4. Being done with dinner early, but having to wait at the table while dada finishes.
5. Dada rocking him to sleep.
6. Frustration that his Lightning McQueen won't get on the brick fireplace like he's supposed to!
7. Waking up by himself.
8. Not having his red shoes on.

Baby Max has become Baby Boy Max

Sorry for the delay between posts. Life hit pretty hard. Nicole and I have been working hard working and doing bathroom remodels. I feel like I'm in college all over again... staying up till 1am and 2am. Only now I'm up working, not partying, and I'm trying to be as quiet as I can be, rather than as loud as I can be. Life is funny.

Max is no longer baby Max. He has turned into a little man before my eyes. He's gotten stocky and big. Before too much longer, we're going to have to start warning people about his strength and quickly changing temperament. Do not, I repeat, do not take his plastic screwdriver away from him... ever. Could he possibly fall and jam it in his eye? Sure. But it's HIS eye and HIS screwdriver. And mom already saw it and didn't say anything. So just walk away dad. Just walk away!

He's really been fun lately, outside of a few temper tantrums, and sure... the face slapping. But he means well. He told me he's just wanting to know where the line is, so he knows not to cross it. That is always his intent, really. He loves us. But seriously, he has been a bundle of laughs lately. This may be the best age to have a child. Here's a few of his highlights:

• He's been talking a lot. He has mastered all the consonants. Well enough to use them in really long words or foreign people's names, if he wanted to. Tonight he rediscovered the "L" consonant. So everything he said either ended with an "L" or started with an "L". Previously it was the "GHK". Trianghkle. Sghkuare. Dadaghk. He almost sounded Russian.
• He's also turned into quite the dare devil. Everything in life exists for him to either sit on, stand on or climb on. Falling is a myth. An urban legend if you will. At least it is until dada gets distracted talking to Papa on the phone. Thats usually the perfect time to somersault off the kangaroo climber in the sun room, and land on the floor forehead first, back second. Let the frustration crying and screaming commence. "Where were you dadaghk?" Worst feeling in the world by the way. I'm still kicking myself.
• Lately he has mastered his own spin on the classic animals. He knows which books have which animals, and if he wants to do one of his animal impressions, he'll bring you the book with the correct animal, and do said animal impersonation before you even open the book. It's really funny. It goes like this: "Oh, thanks for the book Max. You want to read it?" Then he gives you his elephant or wolf or cow. Then you open the book to read it to him, and he walks away. It is classic. If only I could remember everything he does. His elephant is a scream. He locks his body down and squeezes out a high pitched scream. The wolf involves him throwing his head back and fashioning his mouth into a circle as he looks at the ceiling. The howling sound isn't quite as scary as a real wolf, but intimidating, nonetheless. And the cow is the same old "moo" sounding cow, but with a really pronounced M.

Okay, I'll try to stop here. Here's a quick list of likes and dislikes followed by some pics.

Likes:

1. Construction Equipment - All Kinds.
2. Papa.
3. Mama rocking him to sleep.
4. Climbing on things.
5. Outside.
6. Riding things or sitting on things.
7. Waving at random people.
8. Plastic screwdrivers capable of impairing his eye site forever.
9. "GHK" sounds.
10. Turtles and monkeys from build-a-bear.

Dislikes:

1. Dada rocking him to sleep.
2. Discipline for face slapping.
3. Falling.
4. Grocery shopping that involves more than 1 grocery store.
5. Pea skins.
6. Diaper changes.
7. When papa isn't paying attention to him.
8. Pasta.

Here's a quick slide show to get everybody up to date. Look how big he has gotten. My boy is a tank!!