May 16, 2007

If you build it, he will come

Not a whole lot going on this week. Nicole missed her doctor appointment on Friday. Rescheduled it for today. I'm hoping for a sonogram this time around, but the doctor is working on her own "agenda", so it's probably not going to happen. I think Nicole grew more over the weekend. She's a hot pregnant lady... same size everywhere except for her gi-normous Goose belly.

Other baby news has the baby crib finally arriving. We bought a black one, knowing we would have to paint it. I put it together, with fingers crossed hoping Nicole would somehow like the factory coat of black, but my prayers went unanswered, as I am now more than 8 coats into a blue spray paint remodel. Only a few more to go. Woo Hoo! In all honesty, I don't mind the endless spray painting, or the laborious task associated with each coat of paint that rarely makes a difference in the color prior to painting, or the millions of brain cells that have lost their lives for each one of the coats. There's a lot of useless knowledge I don't need anymore... for starters... the pythagorean theorem is a myth. So for all I care, that can be the first to go.

No, my problem really resides with the fact that the word "blue" will probably not show up in Goose's vocabulary for the first year, "midnight blue", probably not for another 4 years, and his deceiving eye probably won't be able to see the small areas where daddy didn't paint or skimped on a coat for several years after that. And even then, he won't judge me for it until he is a teenager. Basically, as far as Goose is concerned, all 15 final coats of toil and trouble will produce one uniquely beautiful color of blue... for Goose to poop on. Pee on. And probably to drool on. But having said that, when I'm done, I will have accomplished 2 things that matter: 1. i will have a happy wife and 2. i will have something to hold over her head for the next 20 years. Score!

Above is a picture of my latest shame. It shows the current progress of the crib and it's buddy,the dresser. I probably don't need to point out the thick layer of blue powder surrounding them both. Not pictured would be the permanent blue tint I currently have. Why is it so hard to get the blue on the things you want blue and not on the things you don't? Spray painting sounds good, in theory. Survey says... I'm an idiot.

So, one thing I'm really looking forward to as a parent is all the little tricks that we will get to pull on Goose that will ultimately make him a better person. For instance, when I was a kid, if my mom wanted me to hurry, she would just time me. If we needed to go to the store and I was milling around, she would say, "Okay, I'm going to time you to see how fast it takes you to put on your shoes and get in the car." Obviously it was a trap. Internally, I knew it was... sure, it benefits her the faster I go, but as I thought about it, something happened to me... all of the sudden mom was counting, I was wasting time, why wasn't I running, then before I knew it, I was in a full out sprint to get my shoes. I would guess at what my time would be and then I would try to beat that. Ridiculous? Yes. But holy cow did it work. And so everybody knows, the records I have set will go unbroken. Probably because they are my own "personal" records, and timing me doesn't work anymore, but whatever. The point is that it worked on me then, and it accomplished something for my parents, getting me to do what they said and in a speedy manner... it might work on Goose.

So along the same lines, while I was looking at my yard and seeing the many baby oak trees sprouting up, my first thought was that I shouldn't have been so lazy in the fall when I decided that picking up acorns was for the birds/squirrels. Then, as I gaze at the massive amounts of tree-lings, the light bulb goes on in my head and I think, a few years from now, when Goose is able to both walk and be coerced, I bet I could get him to pick these up by telling him that it is practice for Easter egg hunting. The more he picks up, the better he will "probably" do on Easter. Key word would obviously be "probably". I don't want him thinking I'm a complete liar. Then, naturally I felt a little guilty about lying to my unborn child, but as the thought process progressed, I thought this is a great example of the end justifying the means. Plus, it will probably toughen him up, because to get them all, he is going to have to learn to play dirty. The squirrels in my neighborhood do not give up easily. They play for keeps.

Anyway, I bring it up because I thought this could be a good place for you to post some parenting tips for Nicole and me. All of the proven little tricks that people use to get their kids to do what they want them to do would be helpful to Nicole and me, especially considering that we can't even get our cat to do what we say without throwing up or biting us back. So the tips are always welcomed.


queenbquiltco said...

pssst! cody! it's time i let you in on a few secrets. i'm not wrong very often, and i am working on the assumption that this child will get a lot of her gene pool. and sugar, them genes is strong! so what i tell you doesn't hold true for any of the bishop babies but Colea. use this information wisely. some of it may still work.

1) m&ms + cajoling father = potty training complete.

2) there was never, NEVER naptime. EVER. Forget it. wake at 5, bed at 11 pm. and no reprieve. don't waste your energy.
invest in good head phones.

3) cole was rolling back to front and front to back at three weeks. don't leave goose unattended. as far as nicole goes, i understand that you're not having to worry about this with her right now.

4)nicole was crawling at 4 months. don't leave goose unattended.

5)nicole couldn't stand any clothes against her skin until she was a year old. don't invest in cute 0-12 months clothes. she learned how to remove a pamper at 4 months so you may want to invest in some safety pins. does she still have that habit of stripping down any where and every where?

6)by the time goose is 2, he could be faster than you. either stay in shape or get a rope. it's not child abuse if your just trying to keep him safe.

7)"no" does not apply to nicole.

8) for that matter, most rules didn't apply.

9) don't let a sweet precious smile fool you. immediately go into lock down mode and see what exactly is up.

10) don't ever fall for dollars for A's on report cards.

11) "time out" didn't ever work.

12) candy is not a food group.

13) nicole invented her own sign language around 5 months to communicate with us. actually, it was one sign for one word. just because a baby can ask for candy doesn't mean that they should get it. see if she remembers her sign for "candy".

14)even at 1 year old, nicole had a love affair with boots. preferably pink and plastic. and again, without clothes. just boots. nip that in the bud.

I'll think of more. Don't tell Nicole I told you!

Love you.

astromack33 said...

CBB - nice job making your garage look like cookie monster threw up.

And yes...I just referenced cookie monster. The end product looks good though.

I remember trying to paint a changing table blue for jack. I think I had 6 coats of paint on that bad boy and it still wasn't covered. I feel your pain.

As far a parenting know our I will refrain from giving you any.

debrabain said...

I could give you alot of tips - but I think you may use them and I don't want Goose to remember them!!! All I can say is, "Good Luck - Keep in shape & Don't worry when he eats off the floor!"